Lately...

Last year, I had such good intentions of documenting the fun things we do together as a family. Then last September we got an unexpected surprise... Baby #5 was on its way. I was shocked. We had always believed we were done after 4, but somehow I could never commit to a permanent fix. It was like deep down, I knew.

The last 5 months have been incredibly difficult. I've always Hyperemesis Gravidarum (with every pregnancy but my first). But this took things to a whole new level. For months straight, with no break, I threw up 20+ times a day - to the point I would vomit blood. (No medicine helped this time. I tried 8 different anti-nausea drugs) My esophagus was so damaged, that it would bleed every time I thew up again. I remember Thanksgiving and Christmas - spent on the couch or in the bathroom. And not only did the relentless vomiting physically push me to my limits - it did so mentally too. I found that after 48 hours of not keeping things down, my mental state was off. I was weepy. I would cry at everything. (And I normally dont do that at all during pregnancy) Everything seemed dark to me. My girls watched countless hours of Netflix (and that made me all the more guilty) while I existed on the couch. My older girls took care of the little ones after school... fixing snacks. I even had to have Daniel (or the older girls) change Abby's diaper because that would make me throw up.

Now Im almost to my third trimester. Im throwing up maybe 1-5 times a day now. Much more manageable. Im even back to cooking a few simple meals a week and doing my laundry (sometimes. Ha!) I'm so grateful for health. I dont think I could appreciate the little things I did each day until I could no longer preform simple tasks. I'd like to think that I learned lessons during the time, but Im pretty sure I didnt. I am certain I grumbled every single day. But maybe, if anything, I will have compassion toward those who are sick.

So... Here's to hoping that more of this year will be documented. I've felt strongly about it the last year or so, and its always so hard to do. But I sure love to look back and read about the fun memories we made together as a family.

Here's to 2016!